The most mathematically promising one—at 99.5 percent—turned out to be one of my existing friends from law school.
But almost immediately, I began to notice peculiarities about my experience.
My filter settings are pretty generous—if you have a compatibility rating of higher than 70 percent, are of at least “average” attractiveness, and send more than a three-word message—“Hey” and “Yo girl” are not acceptable—your message will make it to me.
(Filters are common—especially for women, who often receive a high number of lewd or casual messages from spam profiles, and generic messages from men who send the same note to a swath of profiles.) Of the 708 messages I received over the next fourteen months, 530 ended up in the filtered inbox, which left me with about one message of decent-or-above quality a day.
Theoretically, the online world offers greater odds of finding a partner than does a chance meeting at a party.
Being online is like going to a party without encountering all the people who trap you in boring conversations.
It made me feel that I was more likely to find someone with whom I actually connected—not just another pretty face.
Of the messages that did make it to my inbox, many were from men who were not a good match for me.A message from a prospective mate every day may sound like a lot.But given the extremely low probability that any given message will lead to a serious relationship, it’s not. Following a romance in my early twenties with an older man who, I eventually accepted, was simply at a different stage of life, I went through a series of short relationships of varying significance.I met lovely men—many of whom remain my friends—but by my mid-thirties, I still hadn’t met anyone with whom I felt that same degree of connection and passion I had known with my first love.